At my worst…

Everyone goes through up’s and down’s in life, so I have seen and so I’ve been told. However, a point in my life was just all about down’s. I couldn’t see any light in my life and my mind felt like it was drowning in a black sea and at any moment I would be dragged under and I would never see the light of day ever again.

I was completely lost, I didn’t know who I was, what made me, me! I had stopped doing things I loved, I couldn’t even remember what I loved from life. What did I have to get me up in the morning? What made me smile, my weekends enjoyable? Quickly I felt I had no purpose, no reason for being. I truly believed I was hurting my family because they hated seeing me in this state and it would be so much easier for everyone if they didn’t have to see me like this or deal with me at all. Looking back I still feel shocked that my mind went to such a dark place. I was already seeking help, but I completely underestimated the severity of depression and anxiety, how long it takes to even start healing and that it’s possible to feel worse before feeling better.

When I was in that place I contemplated suicide, I had a plan in place, but somehow I managed to utter three words to my husband “I need help”. He didn’t question me, he didn’t tell me I was being over dramatic, he held me close and then drove me to A&E. I spoke to a mental health nurse and they helped me, made me see that I’m OK and everything will get better. The exhaustion that came after was extreme, 2 days I spent in bed just recovering from the mental exhaustion but day by day I dragged myself through life and now I can slowly see me coming back to life.

I never thought I would go to that place and honestly if you looked at my life it doesn’t scream depression. But, I did go to that place and it shows that depression and anxiety can hit anyone at anytime. It is not a phase but a disease of the mind, a hidden illness that eats from the inside and I now hope that people reading this can have a glimpse of what depression and anxiety can do to people. But, this is the tip of the iceberg! And it’s different for every single person.

In my eyes I was completely broken I am having to rebuild myself mentally, physically and emotionally. It is hard work and everyday is an effort but I am getting there.

If you ever feel that you are in this place then here is a few things that you can do:

Go to A&E if you think you are putting your life in danger. That is what A&E is for! You require urgent care.

If you need someone to talk to phone the Samaritans on 0845 790 9090 or visit their website www.samaritans.org

Elefriends is another website where you can make posts and talk to others suffering from mental illnesses, visit: www.elefriends.org.uk

Finally, there is an App called Stay Alive, which contains contacts if you need urgent help and tools you can put in place to go back to when you feel that you are in a dark place.

Much love x

Intro to Me

Hi All,

Thanks for having a look at my blog, as you can see its just a baby so give me some time to build it up.

I’ve been sitting on the fence for a while about setting up a blog, but I want to share what I’ve been through and show you my journey. You may relate or you may not, but here it goes!

My name is Jade and I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed approximately 8 months ago but I believe I may have been suffering from depression for much longer. I am pretty open with having depression and anxiety and what amazed me is actually how many people are suffering as well. This is one of the reasons for my blog, I want to drop the veil on mental health, it needs to be talked about.

For me, I noticed something wasn’t right when I started a new job, going from participating in a 24/7 shift rota to fixed shifts I expect a huge shift in my work, personal life dynamic. Instead, I still felt incredibly tired from the moment I woke up, too the point I could barely get out of bed. I was suffering from bad stomach cramps that came and went completely randomly – this didn’t disappear when changing jobs and I was just dragging my feet through life. If you could call working and sleeping a life.

In the end even my stomach pains were the result of poor mental health, in my case stress, depression and anxiety. I had no idea your mental health could manifest into physical symptoms like stomach pain. I started anti-depressants and counselling but it’s only been the last 6 weeks that I have actually felt like there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel.

In this blog I am going to share my experiences, past and present; what has or is still helping me, what hasn’t helped me and maybe just some completely random topics for the hell of it.

That’s a bit about me! Yes it is going to be an emotional blog but I believe discussing and dealing with our emotions is one of the biggest stumbling blocks of the 21st century. Maybe my little blog might just help some of you with that.

Much love x

Penguin love!

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The Journey Never Stops

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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Rebuilding You is all about our life’s journey. I believe that we are always building on ourselves and when you stop doing that, life can become empty, bleak and hollow. I stopped living my life, not creating new experiences and not enjoying aspects of my life I loved. It led me down a dark path and now I am fighting back building and rebuilding myself, finding joy in life again.

Life is a journey that never stops and it is down to us whether the road is flourishing or withering.

Much love, Jade x